On the Way to Being a Family of Five

continued from And So Our Journey Began

I didn't intend for the story to drag out quite so long. It has been a bit busy here, so I haven't had the time or brain energy to sit and type. But I do want to bring closure to story (not that you don't know how it ended).

After our paperwork left my hands at the UPS store, the really hard wait began. We had finished all of our paperwork, there was nothing left for us to do. In one sense it was nice to have a break from the paperwork, but in another sense, doing paperwork felt like we were actively working towards bringing our son home, now it was out of our hands. I didn't like it out my hands. I was reminded constantly, that it was in God's hands. He is the one who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and good. So really shouldn't that be better than being in my hands? I know now it seems like a no brainer. Though at the time, I learned a lot about what a control freak I was. Trust and patience was the big lesson in the adoption. I would love to say that now, going through this, I have perfected it. Unfortunately, I am still growing in this (and have a ways to go!).

During the wait, I joined a forum of other families from the agency that we adopting from that were also adopting from or had adopted from Korea. It was a great thing for the most part. Great because I didn't feel like we were waiting alone. Great because we learned a lot about traveling in Korea for when we got "the call". Great because there were tips on post-placement. Not so good that I learned about some of the hangups in the process that could lead to us not getting Drew until the beginning of the new year. Sometimes too much information is not a good thing. So I stressed myself out it for a while and even bugged my contact at the agency about it. Jathan reminded me that it is in God's hands and that His timing is perfect. So hard to accept when you have a picture of your son on your fridge and he is on the other side of the world. But I had to believe that it was true. As the months passed, I did begin to wonder if we would get him, ever. Not that the waiting time for us was outside of the norm, just some days it just seem like it would really happen. I watched a program about Korean adoptions. On the program they videoed a homecoming at the airport. A family going to get their baby. I watched and cried. It hit me that it would happen. I really would get that little boy. The wait was hard. But we made it through. One day I went to the mailbox and got an unexpected envelope from our agency. I was a bit worried not knowing if something was wrong. But I opened it and here is the first thing that I saw:

Updated photo!!! Oh what a praise. We hadn't seen any updates for a few months. It was a blessing and this update helped me get through until the end of the wait.

My mom was going to go with me to pick Drew up. Jathan was going to stay with the kids. We thought that would be best so he could take off time after we got home. So she was anxious as we were to get "the call".

The time was close to when we thought "the call" might come. Every morning, I was on pins and needles in the morning. I knew that our agency would get a fax from Korea during the night and then in the morning a person from the agency would call the families that had their children ready to come home. Once noon hit, I would be a bit disappointed but would atleast be able to relax and not have my heart pounding when the phone rang. Then one Monday morning came. Jathan took the kids somewhere, I really can't remember where. But he came home and I was opening the door for them as they took off their shoes in the breezeway. The phone rang. I answered. On the other line was Jill, from our agency, I could recognize her Minnesota accent immediately. All I remember her saying is he is ready, you can go. Oh my goodness!!! Well immediately I called mom, I had to wait until 11:00 to book our tickets because the travel agent was in Washington state, it was only 9:00 so that was a couple hours away. So I got out my what to do when "the call" came papers and got to work. Finally it was time to call the travel agent. I booked a flight for us for Thursday. The next couple of days were a blur. Then Wednesday evening came. My parents came to stay the night. The next morning very early, Dad drove Mom and I up to Chicago for our direct flight to Seoul, South Korea. We would arrive in Korea on Friday, have time to adjust to new time and new place for a couple of days and then on Monday was the day we were to meet Drew.

That Sunday night, I didn't sleep well at all. The next day I would meet Drew. I was excited, nervous and everything in between. Finally, Monday morning came. I was more nervous than the night before. Almost sick feeling. What if the people at the agency don't like me and they change their mind? What if he screams when I hold him? What if the foster mom doesn't like me (not that she has a say in anything, but it was still something that I felt nervous about)?

Well we arrive at the office. I got to fill out more paperwork (no, when you adopt it really never ends). Then I was told to go to the social workers' office to wait. Mom and I sat there as people came in and out of the office and then there he was. I recognized his foster mom right away. I really think I came close to my heart stopping. Our Korean Social Worker saw her right away and directed her to me. She immediately put him in my arms.


Oh, he was so cute. Just precious. We had a wonderful visit with his foster mom through an interpreter. But then the hour was over and I had to let him go again. His foster mom invited us to her home on Thursday, so we would get to see him again then.

That visit was wonderful. We were able to see where he had lived the last 7 months. It was fun to see more of his personality.

My mom with Drew

Drew with his fostermother

Once again, that hour passed too and we had to say another good-bye. This time we wouldn't see him until the following Monday. That was the day that we would leave for home. That time it would be a visit that wouldn't end in an hour.

Monday morning we were ready bright and early. Bags packed and down in the lobby. We were ready for Drew to arrive. He came with his fostermom and two of his foster sisters. What an emotional time. These were the people that took care of him from the time he was 2 weeks old. They held him, fed him, bathed him, loved him. Now they would have to say goodbye. How could I ever thank them for taking care of my son for his first 7 months? Dr. Kim, the founder of the adoption agency, prayed for Drew. I don't know what he said, because it was all in Korean, but I could hear the sound of his voice and knew that he was praying with his heart for this little boy who would leave his home country to start a new life in a new country with his family. Then it was time to say goodbye. Tears were shed and then we were off to the airport. I had our son in my arms (yes in the van I literally had him in my arms, no car seat for us!). Now it was time to take him to meet the rest of his family.

Dr. Kim Praying

Drew being placed in my arms for good.

Our ride to the airport

Gotcha Day! My three kids!

Well that concludes our journey to Drew. Our first adoption. There is so much more I could write and tons more pictures I could post, but then it might get a bit too lengthy. And I am hoping I didn't already cross the line anyway.

Now four years later, I look at my kids and am so thankful for the way God has brought our family together. The adoption road was not easy, but worth it.

Soccer

Soccer season is officially over. The awards were on Thursday and we had our first Saturday with no game. I will miss it though. Paige and Clay were on the Aztecs this year. Jathan and a friend of ours coached the kids. Even though it is a league where score is not kept and is suppose to be noncompetitive, we know that we ended the season with one loss, one tie and the rest wins. So we were very happy. (I would say that it was the kids that kept the record, but I think it was mostly dad!)

Jathan before the game with all of the gear for the sidelines.

Paige is right in the middle running after the ball.

Clay is the one with the ball right in front of him.


Some might say that the post game snacks are the best part of the game.

(Thank you John for sharing your pictures with me!)

And So Our Journey Began

Continued from Our Adoption Story

I call it a journey, because it can be a long road and even though we went with one of the most predictable international programs, there still are a lot of unknowns and the potential for twists and turns. And it can be very tiring. But as with most journeys, the end is worth the work along the way.

We had two applications to fill out, one for our homestudy agency (Bethany Christian Services) and another for our placing agency (Childrens Home Society and Family Services). Not all adoptions have that. But we were in Indiana and the placing agency we choose was in Minnesota. We had to have a local agency conduct our homestudy. After acceptance with both agencies our homestudy began. I will tell you that I was so nervous for the homestudy. I viewed it as a social worker asking a million questions about past, present and future, hoping to dig up something that will make you ineligible for adoption. I was so wrong. Our social worker was there to gather information about us to help us get the best match for our family and to educate us along the way. What I stressed over and came close to getting ulcers over, was really no big deal. Atleast looking back. Our social worker walked us through all of the government paperwork (which is a lot) and all of the training. It was really helpful. The hardest part of our homestudy was the piece of paper that we filled out regarding what we would accept in a child and what we wouldn’t. Jathan and I still talk about that paper. We prayed very hard that God would direct us. It is hard to check no on any of the disabilities listed because you know that would rule out a child that was just as deserving of a home as any. And those children that were ruled out for us were ruled out for many other couples seeking adoption. Meaning their chances of getting adopted was small. That is heart breaking. Who are we to say what type of child we should get? But we had to fill it out. We could put that we would accept any child with anything, but we also had two small children (ages 1 and 2). What could we handle? After a lot of time and praying we did settle on what to put and we trusted God to place the child he wanted us to have with us.

After the homestudy was completed and our social worker signed off on it and we had completed all of the government papers and were fingerprinted, we were officially in the matching process. We had no idea how long this process would take. But we ended up being pleasantly surprised when we got a call from our placing agency on one June morning. I remember Peggy’s voice saying “I have a referral for you. I have a picture here of a little boy. He is around 3 months old and his name is Shin, Tae Hwan.” Oh wow! We would let us accept him right away. They had to fax the paperwork over to us and we had to look at it and talk to a doctor about the medical files and so on. And it was a week later before we even got his pictures to see what he looked like. But in July it was official. I remember crying in the parking lot of the UPS Store after I dropped off the remainder of our paperwork and the papers that said YES, Shin, Tae Hwan will be our son.

So now the real waiting began.

Our Referral Pictures:

To be continued

Christmas Shopping

If you are like me, Christmas can turn into a stressful time of figuring out what to get for everyone on your list and what to tell people to get for you and your kids. I don't like just getting something to get something and I am trying my hardest to steer our children away from greediness and wanting everything. What should a Christian's Christmas really look like? I have battled with all of that and what I should do about it, but I will leave that for another post at another time. The reality is Christmas shopping is going to happen so I will try to be intentional with the gifts that I buy. So I was excited to get an email from Desiring God today describing the Christmas Sale they were having. Check it out. They have a category of books for everyone that you might be buying for. I haven't read all of John Piper's or Noel Piper's books, but what I have read have been God glorifying and have helped me grow in my walk.

So click on the link below and have fun shopping!

Desiring God Christmas Sale

Our Adoption Story

I don't think that I will ever forget the circumstances and the influences that brought us to adopt Drew. But then again there seem to be a lot of things that I do not write down thinking that I will never forget, only to find that I forgot. Even though I have shared the story many times and this is definitely more significant than most of the other things that I thought I would always remember but don't now, I am going to write it down even though I don't think that I will forget what brought Jathan and I to the decision to adopt.

When Jathan and I were engaged to be married, we filled out a questionnaire separately for our pastor asking all sorts of things about our thoughts and desires regarding our marriage. One question asked how many kids we thought we would like to have. I put down 3 or 4. Jathan wrote 2 or 3. Well seeing that, I figured 3 would be the number then.

We got married, Jathan started seminary, I started working, children were on the back burner. Not that I didn't want them, but practically it worked better for me to work full time, Jathan to be in school full time, then we could finish seminary quicker and get on with our lives. It just made sense. As Jathan was in school, we had several friends get pregnant and have babies. And our dear friends, the Garcias, adopted a little girl, Eva. That was our first up close experience with adoption. What a joy it was to watch that miracle!

Finally, we were in the home stretch of seminary so we decided it was time to start thinking about kids. We weren't getting any younger, ya know. God blessed us right away with our daughter, Paige, and then 18 months later with our son, Clay. During this time, adoption never occurred to me for our family. Although I thought about adoption often as I watched others in our church adopt and our friends, the Garcias, grow their family through adoption. I have to be honest in my mind I thought of it mostly for families that were not able to have children.

After Clay was close to a year old I started to talk to Jathan about planning for our 3rd child. Remember that was the middle ground that we fell on way back when we were engaged. He was dragging his feet though. He thought two was quite enough at that time and he wasn't sure if he was ready for a 3rd quite yet. Trying to be understanding, I did remind him that it does take 9 months (or closer to 8 months for me, mine seem to come a bit early) before the baby would be born and we needed to start planning. Eventually, he said he would be ready in a few months. I was happy with that. As long as we had a plan, I am happy.

But one day I was standing at the kitchen sink doing the dishes. I thought about some families in our church who had adopted. They already had kids when they adopted, I started thinking about the children around the world and in our own country who have no one to call mommy or daddy. They didn't have a mother that they knew would be there when they cried, or to kiss them goodnight, or hug them and just say "I love you". I thought about all of the children already in the world that were without families. That are already living here, in the world, right now, that will grow up with no one unless someone chooses to adopt them. Could we adopt? No, there is no way that Jathan would go for this. He is having a hard time thinking about having a third child, let alone pay a large amount of money to adopt one. So I remained quiet about it and really tried to push it out of my mind.

During this time our senior pastor was involved in orphan ministry in South Africa. He began teaching on God's care and love of orphans. One Sunday, in late November, we were driving out to the tree farm to pick out our Christmas tree. As we were driving, Jathan asked in an odd, uncomfortable, nervous sort of way "What did you think about Pastor Whipple's sermon?" I don't remember what I said, but I remember saying a few things that really stuck out to me, totally not what had stuck out to him though. He said a few things about the sermon, then said "It has made me think, what do you think about us adopting?" What? He has been thinking about it too!

So our journey began.

We began to gather information, talking to people to find out all that they knew about adoption. Then the decision had to be made: Domestic or International. We chose International. At that point in time, I didn't think that I could risk domestic. To have birth parents change their minds, or the fear I had about the birthparents finding us. I was too fearful for that. International, to me, didn't seem to have all of those risks.

Now, which country? I researched many countries and their adoption policies. We talked to more people. We prayed. There were so many factors to consider. Cost? How many times do you need to travel to the country? Do we fit the criteria of the country? We looked at our church family. Our church had a large ministry to International students, which was mostly made up of Asian students. So we narrowed it down to the continent of Asia. We were too young for China and we didn't make enough money to meet their criteria. We crossed that off our list. After looking at the other possibilities we were left with Korea to be what we thought was our best option. For several reasons. #1 We fit the criteria #2 Korea has been doing adoptions with the US for years, it was a smooth process #3 I hate to say it as a reason, but it wasn't as expensive as some of the others #4 We have a good Christian friend that had been adopted from Korea, I wanted our child to have someone to look to and could relate to. After all of these questions were answered along with what agency we were to go through. Our first application was submitted and it was official. We were adopting!

To be continue

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month. Yesterday (November 8th) was Orphan Sunday. I had big plans on the blog to support it and type up things most days regarding orphans and the Christians call to minister to them. But like usual, the plans got put back behind all of the other plans that needed my attention right then. So here I am the day after Orphan Sunday and 1/3 of the way through National Adoption Month and I am just now typing something about it. But as the old saying goes "it is better late then never" here I go with a post devoted to the month.

There are over 143 million orphans in the world. The US population is estimated to be about 308 million. That is almost half of the US population.

In the United States, there is estimated to be over 500,000 children in the foster system.

The numbers can seem to be so high that it is impossible to even make a dent in the need around the world and in our country alone. But that isn't true. The numbers are very high, but we do have a God who is bigger than numbers. And He has called us, as believers, to do something. Not every Christian is called to adopt, although it is something to think about. But every Christian is called to minister to orphans.

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Isaiah 1:17
learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.

How are you going to respond?

Click on the link below to see 10 ways we as believers can minister to the orphans and the waiting children around the world.

10 Ways Every Christian Can Care For Orphans

Clay's Chuck E. Cheese Birthday

Today we finally celebrated Clay's birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. Everyone in our house is mostly well, so now was the time. We invited our neighbor, Easton, to join in the celebration.

Football is probably Paige's favorite sport. So she spent some time trying out as quarterback.

I don't think this cage is too bad of a place for the boys. :)

All of the kids had a great time. Jathan and I sacrificed and played some games to earn extra tickets for the kids. Or atleast that is what we told ourselves we were doing. I thought that I was being helpful, until I saw Paige play skeeball and I realized she didn't need my help. Oh well, we had fun.
So now the birthday celebrations are over for Clay, alteast until next year. We managed to drag them out for a week and a half, not too bad. Now we can begin preparing for the next birthday in our house. (which is mine!)