Bonding

It is amazing what takes place between a mother and a child in those early stages. During the tough times of feeling like you are constantly feeding, carrying the child around and changing diapers, you wonder if it is ever going to end. But in the middle of all of that, you get those precious times of your baby looking up at you and smiling that first smile, or just feeling the warmth of their soft skin against you and you know that this is all part of that special bonding time. I am realizing though that even the middle of the night feedings and stinky diapers contribute to that relationship. They are completely dependent on you for each and every one of their needs to be met. There is nothing that they can do for themselves.

I didn't realize exactly how fortunate we were to get Drew in the first year of his life. I think I often focused on the fact that I got to see many of the firsts and there wouldn't be as many lost months or years to train him the way we felt he should be trained. But there was more to it. I got to sit still and feed him his bottle, I got to change those diapers to fulfill that need for him, and I got to carry him around on my back to sooth him so he could sleep for his nap. He was dependent on me (and Jathan) for all of his needs. And when he started to call me something, it was Mommy, or atleast an attempt. I can't say that the bonding happened immediately even with all of the above happening, but I know that was easier because of it.

At 5 years old, "M" is much more independent. Yes she needs us to have food, but she can find the snacks on her own. She wants to exercise her choices in what to eat and what to do with her free time. This is all natural, as they grow up they become less and less dependent on us. That is the way it is suppose to be. But, it seems different now, because I didn't have that opportunity to lay that foundation. Of course we are busy teaching her, but it is different now. I read once that adoption is hard because it is not natural. God didn't intend it to be this way. You think about it, we need adoption because of sin. Whether it is because of mistreatment, or an unwed mother, or even if it was because of death, that is because of sin. Maybe it was a natural cause, but we have death, because of sin. So it is unnatural, but it is real. And God can and is using His people to care for orphans. So I know that God will help in this bonding process with "M". So I am on my knees begging Him to help me with her. I love her, but I haven't bonded with her. Yet. I know that it will come. But many of the natural ways that God built into the family to bond are gone when you get a child at age 5. So it takes some extra work and lots of prayer.

I ask that you pray for our family during this transition time. We need your prayers that we would bond the way we should. I also ask that you pray that she would feel comfortable and begin to call us Mom and Dad. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is. And if you have experienced this, I would love to hear from you and how you bonded or even how your adopted child transitioned into calling you Mom or Dad.

I am ordering a book called The Connected Child, I am anxious to read it.