Just Another Update

It is so hard to post and not put pictures up of "M". She is now our daughter and most of you all have absolutely no idea what she looks like. I guess it can't be helped. It is just the way it is.

I have to say the last two weeks have been waaaaay better then the first two. I really had a hard time the first two weeks, not anything particular with "M", just everything. But I feel that we are getting things now, a routine and so forth. We still need prayer, there is a lot of bonding to make up for and still adjustments to be made. But I don't feel like I am going to lose it at any moment like I did the first 2 weeks.

I found out that I will be able to homeschool her. We do need to go through a charter homeschool, but I was so happy that I could keep her home. She was happy too. There was one charter school in particular that I was really hoping to get her into but when I called they said that they had a waiting list. Jathan called a few days later and explained our situation and asked when could we expect to find out if we would get in or not. The administrator told him that she felt for our situation so she would get us if I could come the next day to do the paperwork. Praise God! I was so thrilled.

"M" lost her first tooth at our house this weekend. She was so excited because when she put it under her pillow the "tooth fairy" put a dollar in exchange for it. I guess her first tooth she lost she put it under the pillow and in the morning the tooth was gone, but there was nothing left. So she was excited this time around for the treat. The kids know that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy, but we still go through the tradition.

The kids have all been in swimming lessons. "M" never swam before coming to our house and she is doing a great job. She even jumped off the diving board on Friday night at a friend's house. Paige and Clay are working on their strokes, Drew is working on swimming above the water (my friend jokes that he should be a pearl diver) and "M" is working on swimming in general. It has been fun to see all of the improvement with them all.

My mom and sister came the week before last to meet "M". We are going to Indiana towards the end of the summer to introduce her to the rest of our family. I am excited because we will get to stop in New Mexico to see some friends and in Kansas to see Jathan's sister and her family. It will be quite a trip, but we are looking forward to it. It is weird to think that "M" is our daughter but she hasn't met most of the family. I will be glad when she can know the people we talk about.

Well, I guess this is a modge podge of an update, but I am just trying to grab a few minutes at the computer, so this is what I came up with. :)

Bonding

It is amazing what takes place between a mother and a child in those early stages. During the tough times of feeling like you are constantly feeding, carrying the child around and changing diapers, you wonder if it is ever going to end. But in the middle of all of that, you get those precious times of your baby looking up at you and smiling that first smile, or just feeling the warmth of their soft skin against you and you know that this is all part of that special bonding time. I am realizing though that even the middle of the night feedings and stinky diapers contribute to that relationship. They are completely dependent on you for each and every one of their needs to be met. There is nothing that they can do for themselves.

I didn't realize exactly how fortunate we were to get Drew in the first year of his life. I think I often focused on the fact that I got to see many of the firsts and there wouldn't be as many lost months or years to train him the way we felt he should be trained. But there was more to it. I got to sit still and feed him his bottle, I got to change those diapers to fulfill that need for him, and I got to carry him around on my back to sooth him so he could sleep for his nap. He was dependent on me (and Jathan) for all of his needs. And when he started to call me something, it was Mommy, or atleast an attempt. I can't say that the bonding happened immediately even with all of the above happening, but I know that was easier because of it.

At 5 years old, "M" is much more independent. Yes she needs us to have food, but she can find the snacks on her own. She wants to exercise her choices in what to eat and what to do with her free time. This is all natural, as they grow up they become less and less dependent on us. That is the way it is suppose to be. But, it seems different now, because I didn't have that opportunity to lay that foundation. Of course we are busy teaching her, but it is different now. I read once that adoption is hard because it is not natural. God didn't intend it to be this way. You think about it, we need adoption because of sin. Whether it is because of mistreatment, or an unwed mother, or even if it was because of death, that is because of sin. Maybe it was a natural cause, but we have death, because of sin. So it is unnatural, but it is real. And God can and is using His people to care for orphans. So I know that God will help in this bonding process with "M". So I am on my knees begging Him to help me with her. I love her, but I haven't bonded with her. Yet. I know that it will come. But many of the natural ways that God built into the family to bond are gone when you get a child at age 5. So it takes some extra work and lots of prayer.

I ask that you pray for our family during this transition time. We need your prayers that we would bond the way we should. I also ask that you pray that she would feel comfortable and begin to call us Mom and Dad. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is. And if you have experienced this, I would love to hear from you and how you bonded or even how your adopted child transitioned into calling you Mom or Dad.

I am ordering a book called The Connected Child, I am anxious to read it.

Checking In

I didn't intend to go 12 days without updating this blog. But due to a variety of reasons, one being that I can't seem to find 5 minutes to do anything except the absolute necessities, it has taken 12 days to update. I began this post this morning. And it is now 10 pm. And this is as far as I got. I imagine you are feeling very informed on what is going on in our household, huh? But that is life right now. So I will try to give a quick update.

We are doing well.
We are adjusting and I believe that it is going well.
It is going well, but it is still hard, harder on me than I thought it would be.
"M" seems happy, so I am grateful for that (and I know that parenting is NOT about making your kids happy, but I am glad that she is happy in our home).

You can continue to pray for
-adjusting
-discipline
-the affects that this addition has had on the other three kids
-all the extras that having a foster child brings (appointments, etc.)
-bonding
-family time and Mommy and Daddy time

Well like I said, it is 10 pm, and I think I am going to bed. We are going to the zoo tomorrow morning, and I have several things to do in the morning before we head out, so I need a bit of sleep.

Good night!

I'm Still Here

Just wanted you to know that I am still around, in case you were wondering.

There is so much to write, I really don't even know where to begin. And to even know what to share.

We are adjusting. It is taking work, but we are making it. I am very tired, physically and emotionally. But God is good.

I believe that the transition is going well. Adding a 5 year old with that many years of different upbringing and baggage, isn't easy, but I believe that God is giving us the grace that He knows we need. I am declaring my dependence on Him and He is faithful.

We would appreciate your prayers as you think of our new addition. Because of other things going on in our church, Jathan has been very busy. That has been difficult for me, but God knew what was going on when He timed it this way, and His timing is perfect.

"M" is Here!!!

The good news is "M" is here. We picked her up this morning, signed all the paperwork and then headed to Applebees for lunch. I wish I could post pictures, but I can't :(

The not so good news is in the 90 minutes we have been home I have interceded in several arguments, sent one child to his room which resulted in screaming and banging on the door (unfortunately this behavior isn't too uncommon from him) and have another that is upset with the two that are playing and is now in her room because she doesn't want to be with them. That leaves 2 left to play together, hopefully they are playing nicely.

I know that there are going to be disagreements between four children within a three year age span, but I am hoping that this is due to the unusual day and not going to be the norm.

Let's hope and pray!

Placement Info

Here is the official (unless it changes again) date and time for placement.

Tomorrow (Friday) at 10 am.

We will meet at the foster home, sign papers and "M" will come home with us. This time I won't have to take her back!!!

This is a quick update cause I have lots to do today, because tomorrow we will be a family of 6!

The Latest on "M"

I was hoping to have a definite placement date to share, but I am still waiting to hear from the social worker. I was told I would hear by today, but I know that things are busy.

We had a great weekend. Not problem free, but it was really good. I felt like having the whole weekend not just 24 hours made a huge deal. There was definitely more bonding with it. We took "M" to church which went very well. We have a Sunday School class before the "big service" as we call it, but the kids are all in the "big service" with the adults. So I was a bit nervous on how she would do sitting still for that long. I called Gloria to ask her to sit with me just in case I needed some help. Since Jathan is up in the pulpit, I am on my own. Usually it is fine, but recently I have had a few issues with Drew during the services and not knowing how "M" would do, I wanted to make sure that I had back up. But all went very well. I believe this was her first time in church, so there were many questions about how Jesus died on the cross and how big God is. It was a big reminder of the job God has called us parents to do. Sometimes, being a stay at home mom, I feel like I don't do enough in God's kingdom, but this weekend was a reminder of the mission field in my own home. Anyway, back to the weekend. Sunday afternoon as we were getting ready to leave to take her to her foster family before our evening service, she began to cry saying that she didn't want to leave. It took all of the my strength not to break down with her. God has been good to give me the words to say when these new situations arise, I am so thankful. "M" cheered up later and when she arrived at her foster home she was excited to see her foster mom's dogs.

The back and forth has gotten hard on her and us. Paige was sad that night because "M" wasn't there to sleep with her. If you know Paige, she isn't the emotional type so that was a big deal.

After talking to the social worker and letting him know about the weekend and the tears, he agreed that it was time. I was prepared to fight, but I didn't have to, he totally agreed. As of now, the plan is to sign placement papers on Friday and have the actual placement on Saturday. But there are a few people he still needed to square things away with so we are waiting for the official plan. I know it is still going to be hard for her to leave her foster mom. And we are still adjusting too, but I saw God give us much grace when needed this weekend and I know that He will be faithful to continue to give it.

I ask that you pray for the details to work out and everyone's adjustment.

We haven't told her to call us Mom and Dad, but she did on her own refer to both Jathan and I that way a couple of times this weekend. It warmed my heart.